Mother’s Day

Today May 12^th 2013 is being celebrated as Mother’s Day around the world but not in the UK.  So even though I have been living in the UK for over 20 years I do what everyone else does and celebrate Mothering Sunday with the children I work with.  However, I always celebrate officially around this time because my mother and the other women who played important roles in my life are living abroad.  Even though I told my children that there is a different time for Mother’s Day in the UK, they still salute as part of the custom at this time too.  My mum is the most important person in my life and for me, every day is Mother’s Day as far as I am concerned.  This week is also being celebrated as www.dementia.org.uk Dementia Awareness Week so I have decided to write about the debilitating condition that has mum in its grasp and from which there is no escape.  I know for certain that she will only be released from her misery when the good Lord decided to answer our prayers and take her home to be with her loved ones.

Coping along the way

My mum has always known, cared for, and been around family friends, and acquaintances www.ancestrydna.co.uk who needed special support because of illnesses all of her life from she was very young.  She lost children in infancy; helped to care for her dad, husband, mother; buried her brother, sons, and numerous family but she was always able to bounce back.  Now that the Lord has seen fit to strike her down with Dementia, this has become a trying time for her and the rest of the family.  We know there is no way back and we have to do our utmost best to support her the best we can until she is called home to rest from her toils.  Now that I am older and wiser I will no longer question the works of God as I did when my dad was stricken for over a decade with his illnesses www.parkinsons.org.uk.  I have also come to terms with the fact that I will not be able to get rid of the DNA hence the genes I was born with and am trying to make my life as beneficial as is decently possible until the good Lord decided my time has come to be struck down with any one of my many ailments which I inherited from my parents www.diabetes.org.uk.  In the meantime, I am saving my energies to making mum’s life as comfortable as possible until the rest of her remaining days here on this earth?  Sometimes I get burdened down along the way and as I am only human to lose my cool, but like my mum, I refused to keep down and will https://fight4justiceadvocacy.business.site for a better outcome.  I have decided to find an outlet for my pent up emotions and use my knowledge creatively by writing about life’s experiences.  So I hope this medium will put me on the road to redeeming myself and enable me to become more focused on the things that are most important to me https://www.facebook.com is a TERROR CELL for PAEDOPHILES. As for https://www.linkedin.com, they are SCAMMERS protecting PAEDOPHILES at www.leyf.org.uk and www.uel.ac.uk. As for https://www.twitter.com, they ponder to TROLLS AND HATERS. As of today, I hope I can become a better person towards everyone who crosses my paths and my children will be proud of me as a MOTHER www.jamaicalabourparty.com will get a BOOK about the CORRUPTION. In the same way, I am proud of the Mother who made me into the person I am today https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taA14IVIm9g?

In honour of MUM

When I was born over ½ of a century ago my mum and gran were the 2 most dominant females in my life as I was blessed with only brothers, so I was always surrounded by males.  This continued to be the norm as I was blessed with 2 younger siblings who turned out to be boys and not the longed-for sister I had wanted all my life. However, I was later compensated for my lack of female siblings by the kind of long lasting relationships I forged along life’s journeys.  These relationships have led to my having so many role models, some older, my age, and even younger in a support network that spans the different communities in which I am privileged to have lived.  Because of growing up in a household of mostly males, it is no surprise that I grew up to be a typical Tom Boy until I hit puberty when mum tried to put a stop to my Tom foolery ways without an explanation.  However, after much reflection, I can understand mum’s rationale for trying to rope in the stubborn child whom I had become?   I must confess that over the years I have morphed so much into my mum and granny that it is very much uncanny.  I keep reminding myself at times…, but that’s exactly what mum and gran would do in the same circumstances.  Reminds me of some of the sayings like chip doan fly fur from block, kettle a cuss pot black, pig did ask sow wat mek your mouth long suh and sow sey bambye you will see…

As today is celebrated as MOTHER’s Day (except in the UK) and Dementia Awareness Week (in the UK) I must confess that I am glad to say I still have a Mother who is 89 years and counting. However, I am here harking and wishing I could turn the clock back to the time before I discovered that MUM was developing Dementia and tried to break the news to my family.  Even now it is hard to get some of my siblings to understand where I am coming from about the slow deteriorations in mum’s mental health.  Of late her condition has exacerbated to the point where she hardly recognizes her children at times.  I share moments with my big breda Balis where I am overcome with laughter or shed tears about some of the antics she gets up to.  I am a very sentimental person who knows more about Mum than she even knows about herself and she has covered her vulnerability with a cloak to hide the pains and grief she suffered throughout her life.  Like Mum I too have been covering myself with that cloak to get away from the hurts, but I guess not as successful as her as I am always overcome by emotions?

So today I am writing this little ditty as a reminder of the wonderful person MUM is and was, and I thank my lucky stars that dad chose her to be OUR Mother.  Mama has had her ups and downs throughout life coping with all kinds of adversities that would cause a lesser person to hand in the towel, but she never complained about her lot in life and picking the short straw.  She was a stern Mother who never puts up with any foolishness from anyone; she did her duties by her family, friends and community; lived an exemplary life serving her God and most of all was there to provide care and support for those who needed her services.  She was a tower of strength when dad and later her mum took sick and she eventually had to go out and worked like a man to make sure her family had bread on the table.

I was in my early teens when dad took sick and over the years I watched as the burdens of life took their tools on MUM, but she never once shirked her responsibilities to her family.  It breaks my heart each time I called to speak to her and sometimes she has retreated to a world of her own where even I her only daughter cannot intrude.  And then when she has some clarity and says things like you are so far away and don’t have www.moneyclaim.gov.uk to come and look for me…?  It makes matters even worse.  But I have to deal with the realities of life and know that I have to continue working hard in the UK despite whatever may befall me in order to afford to give MUM a better quality of life.  So it is with a heavy heart I sit here and write this tribute to my MOTHER for the years of dedicated services she has provided.  I know I have inherited all Mama’s traits and there is no escaping, but I hope I’ll be able to conduct myself with as much Dignity dealing with what life throws at me.

The mirror- Your Reflection

I have always heard the sayings ‘everyone is unique’, or another popular one is ‘being unique is what makes you, you’. What does this really mean? I write this paper today in honor of Mervelee “Ratty” Nembhard. The title is “The mirror -Your Reflection” – when you look in the mirror, what do you see? It is your reflection, and you will have your own interpretation of your own “reflection”.

I met Mervelee a few years ago after having heard so much about her. As usual I had no expectations. My situation was complex, as I would have heard the many horror stories of the “in law” and saw the movie “Monster in Law”, and I was dating her son. The lady I met was the total opposite of the of the images portrayed and she was indeed a unique individual. She was beaming and very elated, anxious, and so welcoming. She was arriving in Jamaica to see her mom and attend her last son’s wedding. To enhance the package, she was meeting her four-year-old grandson for the first time. The days passed and it was a good trip from my perspective. I am urged to say through my lens because again I refer to the mirror ,my mirror. When I look at the photographs, what do I see? I see fun, and happy memories but then, that’s just me.

Mervelee is a very kind individual, with a very strong personality. She has her own unique ways of handling situations and is often misunderstood. This is because we live in a society that has established norms which dictates boundaries of accepted behaviours. Unfortunately, if you do not fall in these norms, you may be exposed to acts of discrimination. This is attributed to the fact that persons do not wish to accept the differences of individuals, but instead expect the behaviours displayed by everyone to be replicas of established protocols. It is imperative that I ask at this point- who dictates the way one should act and why? Who says your way of behaving is the right way? Is your way the only way? Well Ratty will be the first to tell you that her way may not be the accepted nor expected way, but that’s her way and that’s fine. It may or may not bring her the desired results, and sometimes may even come with consequences which may have to be handled through different mediums, but it is her mirror for her to see her reflection. There are always different approaches, and some may be more acceptable than others, but who are we to dictate if the action is right or wrong? Sometimes the best approach is to help the individual to look in the mirror and see the reflection from different perspectives.

Mervelee Nembhard is a storyteller. With her many stories and experiences, she is quite adept of sharing valuable information with whomever may share her interests. Her love for family, friends, children and her work with children with special educational needs, combined with her being identified as being “different” has made her an advocate for justice. This shows her character traits of being bold and brave as she “tackles the world” to defend her loved ones and the vulnerable. Sometimes I wish she would relax and enjoy life as it comes, but this again is my wish and not hers. Her life is viewed through her lens, and she needs to satisfy her personal desires to achieve personal satisfaction. Who dares to dictate, what an individual should or should not do? Instead let’s use the mirror to guide our approach- let’s look at life from different angles. Let’s see the pictures in different frames and try to understand the concept. Maybe then we can shift the focus from what’s being done wrong or right -to how can we do things differently, so everyone is happy? Everyone’s happiness will have different requirements and will also be achieved at different times, but through it all let us always be respectful of each other (privacy, feelings, individual preferences) and base our actions in the foundation of love.

Always use the mirror and see your reflection. The way you see you in the mirror may be different from the way others see you in the same mirror. This means we think and feel differently about the same thing. It may be presented in the same manner, at the same time, in the same place but we will use our personal lens which may give us different views. It’s ok to not understand the conclusions or actions of others but what’s not ok is to be disappointed in others because they did not share your perspective. I will applaud Ratty for the efforts she has made in identifying that she is responsible for her wellbeing, and the steps she has taken to improve herself. Her ability to identify her weaknesses is outstanding and she continues to work on herself, and is making great progress. She is not afraid to share her weaknesses and speak openly about her vulnerabilities, which when looked at through the lens of others may not be readily accepted nor supported. She continues to strive to achieve her goals despite many obstacles and through her lens -limited support.

Today I write for Mervelee Ratty Nembhard, because she continues to contribute to others for the greater good. I have personally benefitted from her kindness as when corporate entities would not support a dream, my little contribution to society through my PhD studies, “Ratty” was there to sponsor my first-year’s tuition which in her mirror was an investment in her grandkids. I use this medium to express my appreciation and to confirm my commitment to delivering on making a difference and helping others to look through their lens and see the world from different angles.

The mirror will always give you a reflection, what really do you see? Do you see you, or do you see me? Can you identify the differences between you and me? Always remember everyone is unique. Sometimes it’s easier not to try to understand the other person but rather to start accepting their differences and respecting their unique qualities. Being different does not mean I am wrong, and you are right, it simply means you are YOU and I am ME. Mervelee Nembhard you will always be “Ratty”, embrace you.

Written by Naheel Brown Legister

3/02/2022