Mama Lou’s 94th DOB -Moving On
Written by: Mervelee Myers 26th January 2018
Celebrating my Mother’s birthday and the life of a Strong Woman
On the 94th birthdate of my mother Perline LOUISE Nembhard, I would like to take this opportunity to clear up some of the long held misconceptions that have dogged my life over the years, and refuse to go away. However before I can do any such thing, I will have to be able to exercise the ghost from my past, so that I can move on. Therefore I will try to be as sensitive as can be about the feelings of others, knowing there are other parties involved in this my search for redemption. Before anyone starts to judge me and deciding, what’s best for me, I would prefer for them to accept that we all come with some amount of baggage. Baggage of the type that can impact on the lives of others, rather than one’s self alone.
Everything started with my mother of course. For some reasons or the other, mama was unable to express her innermost thoughts and share her feelings with others. Of course there is always one exception to the rules, and for mama she had her best friend, Ms Connie Legister. That’s why I am a firm believer in the fact that God always provide His Angels to look over us, and providing us with guidance in our times of greatest needs, before we reach rock bottom. Therefore I have to reflect on the life of my grandma, Elsie Adina Saunders who was a totally different kettle of fish and an (enigma: puzzling thing or person). But there is this thing about her, she never stopped talking and using those sayings for every situations.
Grandma was deadpan serious in her deliveries, and I know I got my wicked sense of humour from her, amongst other things. She didn’t care who gets upset when she speaks her mind. On reflections I would have to accept that some of the things we share in common, grandma, mama and I are coming to the fore, now I am the only female left of their linage, on the Nembhard side. We are highly strung, hoarders, we love the finer things of life, like nice clothes. But most importantly, we were/are kind, loving and caring women, who would/will sacrifice our lives for the people we love, cherish and care about. Please take it from me however, about how you treat us, because that can be detrimental to our emotional wellbeing and affect us for the rest of our lives www.mqmentalhealth.org/Mental-Health/Mental-Illness.
Once more let me say, how much I have benefitted from counselling at www.slam-iapt.nhs.uk/southwark. That’s even more reasons why I am an advocate of inclusion, wishing that early interventions were available to me before. That’s why I am on a mission, sharing my stories, so that no other child and families have to go through my experiences www.ofsted.gov.uk/parents. Although there is not much I can do about my past life, I am empowered to use my love of writing to bring about change http://myvision.org.uk, Fight4justice www.MerveleeConsultancy.com, https://mervelee.wordpress.com and http://www.youtube.com/Channel/UCBCqloBmT16XFBLAOPdvtFw.
By so doing others can be aware of how our own conscious and subconscious preconceived prejudices about Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) can impact on how we see ourselves and are seen by others. The Equality Act 2010 states that a person has a disability if s/he has a physical or mental impairment, which has a substantial and long term adverse effect on his/her ability to carry out normal day-t-day-activities. There are different sides to each one of us. As I have come to understand, knowledge is power and ignorance is bliss to those who refuse to open their eyes to the discrimination that affect the vulnerable https://ofqual-gov-uk/qualifications-and-assessment/qualification-frameworks/levels-of-qualifications, www.open.ac.uk/ceremonies and email@example.com.
Throughout my life I complained about the things I did not like about my grandma and mama and anyone and everything. From the way my grandma used to comb my hair, which made me stand out and look different from the crowd. She had her special ways of doing things, and she was full of advice about why I should not do certain things. But my granny was miserable, so I thought. That’s until I hear my own youngest son saying the exact same words about me. It did not take much for grandma to fly off the handle and into a strop. That’s when you would hear her using those well know phrases of hers. If I was paying attention, to my granny’s sayings, I could have been one of the greatest (philosopher: 3 people out-look on life). About human behaviours and relationships, as I have my life experiences going through my transitional developments as evidence.
Mama Lou on the other hand was always keeping a stiff upper lip, most of the time, until she flip for one reason or another and goes into one. Yes for those who don’t remember, mama used to curse, until I am not sure when she stopped? After that she detested hearing the cursing and would complain to me about it in her latter days. I know for a fact God provided my grandma and mama with the best helpmates to match their unique personalities in the forms of the men who they married. Although I don’t know much about my grandpa, excepting hearing the story about the Spanish Jar “Panyah Jar” episode with Missa Banny, I learned about his kindness. The most valuable lesson I learned about him from Ms Bernice Henry, the last time I visited she and Mass Roland, give me an insight about my history.
Ms Bernice told me about the kindness of grandpa Claudie, on his way home from the bush one day. Seeing her in her yard, he stopped to plant a garden egg at her fence for her. She said that it bear every year in abundance that she was able to share with her neighbours. Only other information I know about him are he decided to strike out on his own, away from the family land with his family. And he died of stomach cancer and mum cared for him. I learned this when my breda BYRON was struck down with colon cancer and the doctors wanted to know the family history. Then when I was home in 2014 for my youngest son’s wedding, my breda Balis told me about my sister Yvonne. About how she died from (epilepsy – fit) in grandpa’s arms. I knew I had a big sister who died, but not much else before Balis revelations.
My biggest surprise came when Ms Connie, mama’s best friend told me about mama’s life. From thence I began to fit the pieces together about mama’s life of adversities, struggling and sacrifices she had. Prior to all this I started taking notice of some of mama’s peculiarities. But hearing the stories began making more sense to me. By this time it was too late for me to do anything about what I was hearing. I do the next best thing on my return, after saying my final goodbye to mama on the 22nd January 2014. I started fitting the jigsaw together, writing the Eulogy/Remembrance for my mother. I know I was not going to be seeing mama alive again in the mortal flesh.
Writing the story, as a lasting legacy of her life, give me the opportunity to tell about my mother who was vilified, misunderstood, judged, condemned, rejected, etc.…, because we did not have the chance to know who our mother really was. This was primarily because of her inability to show her feelings and express her thoughts for others to understand. But via my own counselling on the advice of the Occupational Health doctor, that I should get Cognitive Behavioural Therapy…. I realised how much of an exceptional person my mother was. She had to be strong in order that she could survive. Mama sacrificed her life for her family and friends. In the end she did not even find the elusive love she craved after the death of my father.
Even though she had forgotten me, her only daughter as a result of the dementia www.alzheimers.org.uk/getinvolved. She did not forget the man she loved after my father, Mass Victor, but he was not the marrying type. That’s why I have become a www.dementiafriend.org.uk. I have been privilege to experience love in its many formats. The love of my father, who I lost about the age when I was going through another transitional development of puberty. Although dad lived until I was the age of twenty after the birth of my second child, http://worldreferee.com/referee/valdin-legister/bio. I lost my papa years before to Parkinson’s disease, even though he lived in the physical flesh. That’s why when I discover myself at https://www.parkisons.org.uk/get-involved/events, I was chuffed to see my photos.
I have the love of my 7 bredas, 2 younger and 5 older – 2 of the elders now deceased, and some very special boyfriends. Those boyfriends were just special, for being my friends. There were men who played important roles in my life and give me the gifts of motherhood. The fathers of my sons Kevin Murray and Valdin Legister. Mama was proud of the fact that she never have any of the patchwork children (pickney) Men with whom I have been in relationships with and taught me how to deal with some of my emotions. There are two men who were/is my husband. The love I have for my sons and their families. And I would be rather amiss if I did not mention that man who I like to refer to as my meeting on the Road the Road to Damascus going to the CAB at the Blue in Bermondsey. I am still trying to make sense of this impromptu meeting and the role GOD played in it.
But as my likkle breda Ervin said I am not to question God and this time I am going to take his advice. For those of you who are interested, I have not seen this person who make that appearance in my life and disappeared again. But he is somewhere in the background offering me his support, with his words of encouragement. Otherwise, I am doubting I could have achieved so much in my recovery? Some people, including my family don’t understand my need to talk to get things out of my system. But he does and I will always be grateful, because in the beginning I just viewed him as another annoying God person with an agenda from God that I didn’t want anything do with during the time I was at my lowest ebb.
On mama’s 94th birthdate, let me end by saying that anyone of my family who are having personal issues of their own. I would entreat them/us to take a page out of mother’s book of life. It’s time for us to stop being so (egocentric: adj. self-centred), and start thinking less about self and more about others. More so if there are children involved, as they will be affected like I was for the rest of their lives. Because mama sacrificed her life for her family, friends and whoever was in need of her tender loving care. There were matters over which she had no control to make the differences.
This was from the day she choose to stay at home with her parents as a dutiful daughter, instead of going to her posh family to reside at their prestigious home and learn the craft of baking exotic cakes. I do not know at what age Mama lost part of her thumb, but she was affected by it for the rest of her life. That’s why I am reflecting on the life of my grandma, mama and myself hoping lessons can and will be learned? Whatever will be, must be, but at the present I have my obligations to my elderly husband. This became my priority from the day I made my vows when he made an honest woman of me and I am Mr Mervelee Tomlinson.
Next I need to clear my name so I can move on with my life. That’s why I have my https://www.facebook.com/public/Mervelee-Myers, with my Pages. I will be using all my Social Media profiles to counteract https://www.gov.uk/employment-tribunal-decisions/ms-m-myers-v-london-early-years-foundation-2300047-2016. Because of the way I was stitched up by www.leyf.org after I got back from burying my MOTHER. I still have not had the chance to grieve for mama and this is affecting the way I am able to live my life.