Mama Lou 92nd BD Celebrations 26th January 2016Benefits of Counselling
Today as I sit down to write what I hope is a “short tribute to my MOTHER on the eve of her Birthdate” I must give thanks to God for the Mother I was blessed with for 56 years of my life. I do believe in faith and the fact that God gives us challenges in our life to measure our strengths and weaknesses. By so doing He is in a position to help us with our character and reputation building that will empower us to take control of our lives and continue with the journey to reach our destinations. As I look forward to celebrating another milestones in the life of my Mother, her 92nd birthdate. I must first acknowledge that Mama’s life was full of the A – Z of everything that the good Lord saw fit to test her strengths and weaknesses.Whilst reflecting on Mama’s life, I therefore have to admit that I have been tested beyond measures over a period of time. Strangely enough the testing started shortly after I came back from Jamaica in July 2014. I’d visited Jamaica two times in 20014, January for my #2son’s Valdin Legister’s wedding. I was back again to attend the funeral of my Mother in June and came back July. A week later I was granted the transfer I’d been requesting. I wanted a transfer to be working closer to home for personal reasons, health and my husband’s welfare being the primary causes. However if I’d known what was in store for me I might have settled for “the devils I knew” instead of the encounters I had from July 2014 – September 2015.
Suffice it to say I tried to get those responsible in so called “authority and leadership to listen to my pleas” without any avail. I was left at the mercies of some “Racist Thugs whom I’ve since discovered are Institutionalised Corporate PSYCOPATHS” who systematically destroyed my life. That’s why I am highlighting the “Support Network” provided by the professionals in their various fields who are helping me to come to terms with my situation. Although I do not have the space here and now to mention every one, I will have to single out a particular professional.Therefore I’d like to mention in passing Laura Tinsley, Trainee Counselling Psychologist, Southwark Psychological Therapies Services www.slam-iapt.nhs.uk/southwark. The GP at The Grange Road Practice, Bermondsey Health Centre, 108 Grange Road, London SE1 3BW were instrumental in my rehabilitations when they provided me with the support I needed and put me in touch with the agencies. I hit on the status Trainee because I have this vivid memory when I was once a Trainee myself and those in “authority took liberties”. I once worked with the NHS as a “Nursery Officer and there was where I first experienced DISCRIMINATIONS” full-scale.Although I was proactive, initiating my own Professional Development Plan (PDP) from 2004 when I started studying with the Open University. I was destined to suffer for wanting to change the circumstances that blighted my life for 30+ years and left me unable to reach my potentials. When I started and my potentials as a leader was identified. I was given the “status of Group Supervisor” by the manager. All that happened like the pattern of my life from 2003 – 2015, those in authority used my knowledge and expertise to gain beacon status. Once they achieved this, then they showed me another face and “I was held back in my career” and unable to continue up the ladder.When it suits them they “dangle Trainee Group Supervisor on a stick to a drowning me” because if you are keeping up you know “I can’t swim”! Realising that the accolades I was being given were not worth the paper they were written on. I decided not to allow anyone to use me. Because as soon as they get the outcomes they wanted they revert to type. But like now, I was destined to suffer for my cause, the knowledge, values and beliefs by which I was brought up were trampled underfoot. But I refused to turn a blind eye to the “social injustice and inequalities” and paid the price with my health. To cut a long story short I was always destined to be a “Trainee Group Supervisor” with no hopes of progression.That’s why I am lifting my hat to Laura Tinsley who is a true professional and there is still hope for us to have true representations from human beings who care. Following from my experiences in the workplace, I developed “Mental Health Issues along with the onset of the Menopause”. You’d have thought the NHS would have taken responsibility and be accountable for their own. But take it from me there is no such thing. That’s why today I have to take it upon myself to find the agencies to offer my “Next Door Neighbour the Early Interventions” she might need. On the eve of my Mother’s birthday I’d be lacking the empathy my former employers tagged me with when they done what they did to me, if I didn’t do what I know I must do to help TESS.
When I started April 2003, I done what came naturally to me and promote and implemented best inclusive practice. Immediately I was promised a post and the “darling of the organisation wid dem deceitful lying tongues” coached in rhetoric and bureaucratic red tape. Since my experiences with the “Institutionalised Corporate Psychopaths” I am weary of some of those “in authority” because I know how they operate. They set out to control one’s life, making promises that they never fulfil. The promises are just to sweeten us up whilst they pull the wool over our eyes and put us in “strait jackets and enslave us with their CONTRACTS” that are binding.
They say lightening rarely strike the same place twice, but in my case it did. The last time was worse than the first. Although I was adversely affected the first time, I had youth on my side so made a recovery. I managed my recovery with the “Support Network of professionals” once I changed my GP who was in on the plots to destroy me. However this time round the onslaught from July 2014 – September 2015 took dramatic tolls on my health and wellbeing. This period of being treated less than an animal left me traumatised to the point where I am a shadow of my former self.
I am contending that the horrible experiences so soon after my bereavement and loss of my MOTHER, must have taken their tolls on me? I am now left to reflect that GOD made Mama in His own image enabling her to be able to cope with the challenges life was to throw up at her from an early age. Therefore Mama had to present one exterior to her Family and had the resilience to cope with her inner self away from prying eyes. I however had to cope with the ordeals and come to terms with the fact I was let down by those I trusted to listen to my concerns. I am still finding it hard even when I was being warned that some people could change like that in the twinkling of an eye.
Without prejudice I have to now reveal that “other’s plotted against me before I got back from burying Mama” to turn me into a scapegoat and a victim. I am waiting to get closures and hear the reasons I was treated the way I was two times over a period of six years. As God is my judge and I told the Counsellor, I will “leave no stones unturned” until I get some closures. This is about my “FIGHT4JUSTICE” that has become like an obsession. Because since my ordeals I’ve had time to hear and read about stories like mine. If someone is not prepared to take a stance, then these EMPLOYERS, Unions, Solicitors, Legal Advisors and other Unscrupulous Authoritarians will continue to make the lives of the vulnerable “a living hell” and get away with it because they are allowed to.
Then government used taxpayer’s money to fund INVESTIGATIONS and Case Reviews. Yet the powers that be refused to listen when you raised concerns. Because some of these perpetuators have friends in high places with whom they are “Bench and Botty” who meet up to crucify those of us who are brave enough to challenge the corruptions. Attending counselling is just another chapter in my Continuing Personal Professional Development Plan (CPPDP) that is empowering with the knowledge to finally find out what caused some of the deep rooted conflicts in my life to date.
I have had to be making a reflective account of Mama’s life and taking on board some very important facts about our lives. I am just realising just how much I’d missed out by the things I did not known about my MOTHER. Mama is dead and it makes no sense beating myself up for matters over which I had no control. However the least I can do in her memory whilst I am celebrating her life – all 90+ years. Is to keep her memory alive for future generations of my family. Therefore I will not be sitting around waiting to write that Book that may never get written. Instead I am using the media at my fingertips to tell my stories. When I am unable to do no more, then at least I know I done my best.
My biggest regret is not knowing my MOTHER as I ought to have known her as an only “surviving daughter” whom she did not recognised in the last months of her life. However I live with the consolations that she came around the day I was leaving home – Jamaica in January 2014 for us to say our “final goodbye”. This final “goodbye is one of my most treasured memory” that is second to none. The mere fact that I had Mama influencing my life is the best thing that could have happened to me. I recalled in my younger days when I’d get really cross if someone told me I was exactly like Mama. But now I must confess that I did not know Mama very well and I might have tried to blot out the sufferings, and failed to see the real MOTHER.I only learned later about some of the things that were important to Mama and made her tic. I was mindful of her sensitivity about aspects of her life without knowing the reasons. I was not aware of the sacrifices that she made for her loved ones before my Papa and Grandma. I was too young to know about those things and Mama was not a “storyteller like Papa”, so hold the things that are dearest close to her heart. Luckily I am different from Mama in that aspect of my life and can’t help the fact that I was born to be an “Inquisitive Nosey Parker” who likes to know the very minute details. However I believe I share Mama’s sensitivity in that I will leave well enough alone when others are involved and maybe affected.
Mama Lou is dead, but her “one gal pickney Ratty” is very much alive and has inherited most of the straits that I once denied. Therefore I am beseeching all those I love and my sons in particular to try to get to know the “real me if you don’t” and don’t wait until you end up with any regrets. The Counsellor told me that Mama might have been protecting us from some of the hurts she endured throughout her life. And this was me thinking she did not LOVE me? Missed opportunities cannot be retrieved, especially when death is involved.
I pride myself on my life being an “open book”, but don’t be fooled. And I guess this is where I can identify Mama in me most definitely. There are some cards I hold close to my chest and will only on a need to know basis. I know for a fact and without any doubt that there are some things that are better left hidden where they are buried. When the lives of others are tightly wound up with ours, it’s best to left well enough alone. I am positive Mama would agree with me wholeheartedly, and that’s why she chose not to talk about certain sensitive matters, even to her loved ones. I know now without I am Mama Lou’s daughter whom she LOVED, but was unable to express her feelings to me.
I regret not understanding her more so we could have had a closer relationship – Mother and Daughter. However I still have the opportunity to embrace the values and principles she stood for. I can stand tall and claim her for my Mother, knowing she lives on in me, the way I conduct my life. I am not perfect, I am full of flaws, but I love myself warts and all. Therefore I can shout from the roof tops, Mama made me the person I am today, even when it took the horrible experiences I’ve been through to recognise her input in making me who I am.
That’s why my “Fight4Justice” goes on because my loved ones who gone on before would show their displeasures, if I did not stand up for my beliefs. I will not stand idly by and let anyone label UNCORPORATIVE, UNPROFESSIONAL, INTIMIDATING, CONFRONTATIONAL, LACKING EMPATHY because as one couple with whom I worked at Bird In Bush (BIB) Nursery said… How does one measure “Lacking Empathy”? But I know one saying from back a Yard, “Kettle a call Pot BLACK” so I am not expecting them do anything about my situations. My Union Solicitor told me the Employers do not have to prove I done the trumped up allegations, they are written in the Contract.
I am being asked to tell them how to do their jobs the same way I trained my colleagues. Then I had to ask their permission to carry out my Job Description. If I don’t I am dismissive of authority. Biggest joke of all the Legal Advisor told me I am Not Diagnosed with DIABETES and ARTHRITES. In the Open Letters I posed questions and I can’t get answers. When the time is right I will put the Correspondences in the PUBLIC Domain for them to be Judge and Jurors. In the meantime I am not expecting to get any JUSTICE because of the Systems in place.I have no one but myself to clear my name, and I doubt I can repair my reputation and character because I am one “small fish in an ocean of big fishes”, but I’ll not give up until DEAD calls me home. I promise to be a thorn in their flesh exposing them for what they are. All I’ve done is do what was expected of me in the CONTACT I signed. But others think they can CRIMINALISE me with their devious PLOTS. The question is were the forces intent on cutting me down to size to stop me developing my CPPDP? If that is the case they have another thinking coming! Social Media is everywhere in every nook and cranny. I’ll use Social Media to get back at them, because they helped me to develop my CPPDP.
On the 92nd Birthdate of my MOTHER I want to let them know that Mama though DEAD is with me in Spirit. She will not rest until I’ve got the JUSTICE I deserve for what those Institutionalised Corporate Psychopaths put me through right after I came back from laying her to rest. Out of respects for Mama I am turning my attentions to ensuring my next door neighbours Esther Oliver aka TESS get all the help she needs. She certainly needs it from what I am witnessing. But I refused to invade her privacy and will make sure she is given all the dignity she needed like Mama had.Perline Louise, Maam-Jess, Mama Lou, Di Satiday Lou or any other endearments by which she was known. Your daughter Mervelee Myers-TOMLINSON aka Ratty NEMBHARD will keep on with my FIGHT4JUSTICE in your name for all the vulnerable and downtrodden people who experienced DISCRIMINATIONS in any shape or forms.
As soon as the time is right, I’ll pack up “mi bungle and head back home a mi Yard” because JAMAICA is my Home. I left Jamaica the first time I came to the UK in 1990 with one suitcase. As Mama used to say when “you sick doctor don’t want you clothes, a di money him want fi look after you”. I am here for my husband and once I am not needed, then it’s “Vamoose”!
Fish a Pick dung a we land bottom and that’s where I’d like to be. Mi fed up bout di lifestyle dat was forced unto me which left mi a shadow a mi former self!