Driven to the Brink?

Wo/Man a Plan & God a Wipe Out! 15. 9.2015 Edited 15.09.2017
No one could wipe the biggest grin off my face today after the horrors I’d experienced the past weeks into month into years at the hands of and the establishments and systems in the Mother Country. This started from the time I returned from burying my MOTHER, who died aged 90+ years after suffering with dementia. I was praising God, Jah-Rasta-Far-I, and all the other Deity that is worshipped out in the world. I was motivated after reading Carole Ann Rice http://WWW.REALCOACHINGCO.COM article in the Daily Express To fight the negativity called FEAR that Enslave us if we are not strong and live up to our convictions not to be Cowered by those who are Moral Cowards. On Sunday Tom and I had one almighty row and the biggest bust up since we met 14+ years ago. I was mad as hell when he let his fear of what LEYF and others were trying to do to me get the better of him. And he who was so steadfast in the face of adversity, lost his better judgements.

The poor man was so concerned and overcome with fear of what they could do to me that he told me I should take my CRB/DBS in to work for them to copy. My poor Tom didn’t know what hit him when I got Dutty and kick off as I let rip left, right and centre. Sorry it had to take supn like this for him to know exactly who I am and he will not dare cross me again as long as we both shall live. But it hurts like hell to know these evil wretches/brutes can be doing this to my Family and I. By the time I got up about 5 o’clockish on Monday morning and ready to leave home, I’d gone to the toilet 4 times. My Stress Incontinence was back full flow that even Tom is concerned. He’d not spoken to me since I blew my top on Sunday f-ing and blinding like a True Jamaican Bad Wud Cussa until my angers subside. I packed spare clothes, tell Tom not to worry, because if they think I am not turning up they made a sad mistake.

I would like the tell what about this they do not understand and how could I demonstrate to them I have disabilities otherwise? I was excusing myself to go to the loo, so obviously they think I was faking like the Barrister who pulled a SICKIE when she did not prepare the case. And it was not strike out as they told her it would. Because I was representing myself and they think they were dealing wid a big head bud.  I told Tom if I piss and shit up myself I’ll clean-up and carry-on back on the floor. On the bus I am keeping my legs crossed and the #21 terminates at Newcross Bus Garage. I waited and the next #21 terminates and I am thinking with my legs crossed, blinking hell, I am going to lose my DIGNITY and piss pon mi foot.

But as God would have it #136 came, I boarded and got in just in time. I recalled my School Days when children would be called Piss Up & Shit Up and I have a story that is too close for comfort when I am feeling vulnerable, that I’d rather forget. I felt so ashamed each time I remember I was travelling on the underground and couldn’t keep it any longer and just had to let go. Throughout the day I was dragged from pillar to post by the Missis Give Hard-ASSES. (Let LEYF and the ET 3 Judges explain why they take it upon themselves if they did not discriminate against me? I only described my experiences and the persons involved). Ratty Nembhard doan give a Rat’s Arse because these days E. Mervelee I. Myers- Tomlinson is an Empty Vessel waiting to be filled.
These days I won’t let anyone know what I am thinking and just keep calm and carry on as they say.

But I am/was seething inside Kicking Against the Prick as I take the Piss in my Head (Passive Aggressive Behaviours) of the stupid Intellectual Imbeciles. Some of the Crab Lose-ASSES did not get where they are at by fair means. Dis Yardie Yard Gal just got on wid di Wuck as l haffi earn mi kep eina Backra/Miss-Use Big Yard. Wi nuh tan like dem wey lib pon thin air, cigarettes and cups of tea. Suffice it to say I lasted out the day wid the cussed facetyness dat mi haffi put up wid. I kept one step ahead of the wretches, kinning teeth and sucking up to dem whilst tekking di Piss out a di Idiots dem. But I could see others wilting under the pressures and felt sorry for them (Deputy Louise, Selina, Baby Room Staff).

My Gran used fi say “Mi kotch up pon Eye Lash and if dem blink mi drop off”. Well mi intend fi Kotch up pon dem Rass claat Eye Lash until supn else come mi way and if dat nuh materialise dem haffi guh put up wid mi. Or else white squall might haffi tek dem bloody eye mek dem can see mi when dem a galang wid dem antics. If mi did hab Powers dem eyes would look like fi Ms Maud T. Cross my heart and hoping nutn sinister happen to my Loved Ones and those who wish me well. Because in 2008 when the same Evil Cowards put on the pressures (,,, I couldn’t handle it and had to run like a Bullet from the Starters Gun. But everything happen in our lives to teach us supn, so I am more than ready for these Lot’s Wives and Judas Iscariots.

Got in and my TOM was supportive and I recognise that he is only acting because he is concerned and very much affected by what they are doing to me. I took out my Paperwork, showed and explained to him because he never used to pay attention to what I was saying. There is no way they are entitled to copy my Papers – DBS and they’d be breaking the Rules of Law and Regulations as well as the Therefore I do not know where the ET 3 Judges get their Judgement from? So since I don’t exist after 6+ years they can go find my FILE where they take it to their High Paying Solicitors and to plant the Dirt on me.

Because I keep copies of everything and I know who had nervous breakdowns, in 2 workplaces in the UK and have to represent myself at the ET to try get justice. I know had to run for my life and know of others who have to run for their lives, and trapped at LEYF with no where else to run. Because Marion Breslin resigned and have to end up going back. I was daubed with Shit to Destroy me with the Disciplinary and they have done to others what they are doing to me. Madam (CEO-MBE) got rid of all who are Strong, Knowledgeable and surround herself with the Numbskulls who don’t know Shit different from Clay. If someone committed an Act, why are they still around…? There was the Who-Haw about Men-In-Childcare but where are they now…? Most of those men have either been demoted, left before they could be implicated like the Apprentice B, still with LEYF trying to find a way out or resigned in disgrace like Neil King and Rashid Iqbal.

Today reinforces my belief in the true and living God who is my creator, master and Lord because God turn the enemies amongst themselves to tear each other apart. (Hilda Miller the reason I wrote this article has since resigned, in the hope that she won’t get tarred with the same brush. But I am sorry, I give each and every single one of them the time to reflect and make amends. It’s even worse because of the 3 ET Judges, who I expected to know better). God is showing them signs and wonders to repent of their evil ways and leave the innocent to prosper. Whilst they are busy plotting everything is ravelling around them and they can’t see. Suffice it to say what is hidden from the wise and foolish is revealed to the babes and sucklings. I was pushed from pillar to post as they are left chasing their tails and in exasperations giving me dutty looks. But if only they know how much the feelings are mutual. I love them like when Fire tek Dry Bush a big common and fire a guh bun dem and dem hell a guh hot.

Despite my own waywardness God is always putting me in the mix to see when they taking their foot tie up dem hands all the times. So the Stupid Idiot Hog Muddler and the Cowardly Lie-Inn Smelly Nelly Killer heading out. By the time the LK turn her eyes and see me… Gosh she practically ran out leaving the door opened behind her…. The one who threw the Baby out with the bathwater was ahead. Flabby Beach whale EMR the one I like to call Madam Give Ord-ASS had to call back Madam Coward to close the door. Oh all hell bruk loose cause I was chuckling like nobaddy’s business from the bottom of my belly. Madam Flabby claimed her Big Boss told her to remove her bikini clad Pork-a-Way self from off Professional Site before she could accept her Friendship Request. And she had to remove her Old Work Place as well, she told me that before she was sanctioned to discriminate against me. Her brother-in-law is JAMAICAN, she told me as well.

Oh la-la this is the same Coward who claimed she had concerns about Mrs Mervelee Myers. They all colluded to break my spirts, destroy my character and blacken my good name after I transferred to BIB on the first day the 23rd July 2014 after I returned from burying my Mother. Because they view me as threats and I was eating a ripe banana, but I did not know at the time that the discrimination started the first day at BIB. But it seems they haven’t learned and this same Boss lied to me when she said she told them off for not turning up when she got her letters – Madam Bruk Em. If they are threats to Ur climb up the ladder… Yet the dried up bitch who a go under UV lamp fi ketch colour even when she nuh like wi… Long Haired Freaky People Need not Apply, Nuh Waan Nuh Ole Nigga Nuh Ras-Ta-Far-I.

I guess she realised or was told that I witnessed what happened with the door and her lap dog of a protégé called back and my little missives (letters to New Cross 6th & 8th September 2015) about door left opened recently. So Madam Dry Foot Hog Muddler come back to come provoke, taunt and frustrate me. She come out in the garden invading my personal space and in my face saying the Agency Staff not doing much so I must stop planning until lunch time. Now this is nearly 3.00 o’clock so I don’t know which lunch time she a chat bout. I calmly say yes HM I’ll do whatever you say. I could have said much more like if they had not breached the Rules of Laws, there would be no need for the Agency Staff. Or maybe they made another mistake 2 many like my Hospital Appointment

But I kept my cool and don’t let anyone pull my tongue. Guess she was expecting me to challenge her because she heard and knows from last Thursday that I don’t always take crap from Stupid Idiots and will stand up and defend myself. But she have 30 cronies to back her up because she told me I am SICK when I mentioned about my Chronic Anxiety. (There is stigma attached to Mental Health Conditions. I have multiple disabilities, some of which fall at the top of the most common Mental Health Conditions). I am once more throwing down the gauntlet that the Pen is mightier than the Sword and that Pen will defend me against them every time. I am not afraid of anyone and Hog Muddler is the least of my problems. They can do what they frigging want to do now after they got the Best of 6 Years of me.

Updates: 15th September 2017

Hilda Miller has since resigned from LEYF along with others of her colleagues who were sanctioned to discriminate against me. The original of this article can be found at My life is an Open Book and this was yet another phase in my transitional journey when I meet rock bottom in another toxic workplace environment. My health was totally destroyed this time almost beyond repair. But I acted on the advice of Dr Crawford about getting Cognitive Behabiour Therapy to find out why I react to certain situations the way I do.

I have since had counselling at the Maudsley Hospital. I have had follow up sessions with and other providers. I have joined I have been doing research for years and joined As well as other charities at,, and

The next plans are to share my stories with others about my journey with Mental Health Conditions and Progressive Health Conditions in later life. This way I want to continue making valuable to the life of other as I am a Carer fro my husband. My life has gone full circle as it has always been, from cradle to the grave and vice versa.